quipsandthwips | Deerington Inbox

Aaaah, no.

No, not alright.

You know Wade? My weird no takebacksies friend?
Wade's really sick. Like — 'lost his healing powers and his cancer is killing him' type sick.

I don't know what to do.

God, I'm so sorry, Peter.

[It sounds woefully inadequate, and she hates how it looks on her screen. So instead of typing more, she just hits "Call".]

Is there anything I can do? For either of you?

[He runs a hand over his face, over his hair, glancing away distantly as he tries to piece together words without it just coming out a jumbled mess in need of therapy.]

I don't know. I guess there's not a lot we can do? But I have to try. Maybe there's something to reverse the powers thing, like how the chocolates had reversed other chocolates, in February...? I just... After what happened to May and Harry, I can't... I can't keep doing this. Dammit.

[Did he even tell her about his best friend back home?

God, he can't keep track, he's so scattered in the wind.]

[What Clara wants to tell him isn't what he wants - or what he needs - to hear. What she wants to tell him is that maybe he needs to take a step back. Maybe he needs to pause for a moment, and breathe, and remember that sometimes, beating the monster isn't the only thing that's important.

Sometimes, you need to call a fight done and just go be with the person.]

I know. I know, it's so hard.

[Sitting here on the floor in her spare room, she suddenly feels very small and very useless. How can she - a Known Wreck - even try to say anything worth a damn in this situation? She's spent the entire day feeling tremendously sorry for herself, and look where it's gotten her.]

Just... don't get caught up. [It comes out anyway. She pulls her knees closer to her chest, and hides her eyes against them.] Don't try so hard to save him that you forget to be with him. He'll be needing you, not just Spider-Man.

... I know.

I'm not trying to be that person. I know. It's probably driving him nuts.

But... what if I sit on something I could've found to help? I can't just not try to help. I know that dying here... it's gonna do worse and worse to people. This town doesn't just let things like that happen without it getting worse.

[He makes a fist, taps his forehead uselessly with the end of it.

More quietly:]

Can't I be both?

[God, she wishes she was there to hold his hand right this moment.]

You can be. You are, and you're incredible at both.

[Just... not at once, sometimes. And where priorities and emotions are concerned, it seems like Spider-Man takes the reins quite a bit. He's like a monk, and his vow is his never-ending duty towards others.]

But there are so many people trying to fix this, Peter. If you miss something, there's a town full of other people - other superheroes, even - to pick it right back up. We've got this. [Her voice is warm but pleading, a little raw at the edges.] And if the worst happens-

[A pause. Clara collects an unsteady breath.]

... At the end, I didn't want my best friend putting himself through hell to try to save me. I wanted him just to sit with me, and hold my hand, and be like we always were. But he spent our last hours ripping the universe apart to try to keep me alive, and that hurt worse than anything.

I know you've lost so much, and I know it's killing you to think of it happening again. It kills me too, every day, every time you or Skye or Diarmuid is in danger. You're all I have. The truth is, though, dying is a fact for all of us, but doing it alone doesn't have to be.

[If he's rubbing a wet eye on the other end of the call, nobody has to know.]

... I mean, you're worth fighting the universe for.

People like you. Wade. All the people here. I'd face whatever I had to, to make sure you'd all be okay.

[If someone had come to him and said everyone could be safely moved to a normal town without danger... or sent home where they want to be... at the cost of his one life? He'd absolutely hand it over, no regrets, no anguish. Maybe that's screwed up — it's not like he hates himself or thinks he deserves to suffer or anything dramatic, but...

It's just what he'd do. He'd give everything for them.

He'd break every bone in his body to make sure his people are safe. Happy. Alive.]

... I can't promise. That I won't overdo it. I don't know how not to, I guess.

But I swear, I'll be there for any of you guys. For the good — or... or, um. Or the bad. I promise.

[And if Clara's dabbing a sleeve against her own, it's just between them.]

You and I'll go down throwing ourselves in front of one another, one day.

[She'd put money on it.]

Take care of yourself, Peter. You being around's a big part of the rest of us being okay. And I don't mean as a superhero.

[He snort-scoffs at that, like she's just pulling his leg.]

Yeah, Mr. Parker's a real pillar in the community, with his explosive science labs.

But I will. Take care of myself.

... Because I definitely don't want you coming after me for not doing that very thing.

[She smiles, even though he can't see it.]

And don't you think I won't know, mister. My Peter senses will tingle, and I'll have to come tie you up and toss you into bed.

[Now she's pulling his leg, trying to lighten the mood.]

Oh, very sexy. I always love it when the ladies use my own superhero style against me.

[Ha. What, they've already been so serious, he can't help but joke at this rate.

He relaxes into something a little more concerned, though.]

... You sure you're gonna be okay, too? It's not like you're having the most stellar week either, there.

Hey, none of that. I'm fine.

[She's wrapped in her duvet, wearing yesterday's pajamas.]

Go take care of Wade, and I'll be here, right as rain.

... Alright. But I'm gonna come over later, okay?

Two sad lumps together. Our best fusion.

Okay. There's ice cream in the freezer with your name on it.

Deerington Inbox

cw: talkin about cancer, so pleasant this thread

text > audio

audio

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject