quipsandthwips | Deerington Inbox

[ His amusement could probably be seen a mile away as his gaze goes from Peter's face, to his chest, then down to his boxers, or maybe he's looking at the ol webslinger trying to say hello, it's him. ]

Lie all you like but I'm aware you're secretly a fashionista.

[ Then he does probably one of the rudest things he could possibly do - he pulls back, sitting up and leaning away. This of course is so he can work on shimmying Peter's sweats and boxers a little lower. When he manages that, he wraps his hand around the sad warrior that had been trapped behind heart boxers and gives him a few pumps, almost thoughtlessly. ]

Do you think they were thinking about gargling cock when they wrote those stupid owl commercials for Tootsie-Pops? How could they not be.

[ So, here's the thing. Like most things Wade does, the next thing he does is without warning. He moves back down to practically swallow all of Peter dick into his mouth and down his throat. Sorry, was there supposed to be some sexy build-up where he didn't immediately do that?

What an asshole.

He sucks and swallows around Peter before pressing his tongue up against him and holds up a pointer finger to count one.

Wow, he really is going to ruin Tootsie-Pops for Peter, isn't he?

What an asshole. ]

[Peter groans, and it's genuinely hard to tell if it's indecent or miserable. He peers down at Wade with a furrowed brow and one judging eye between the fingers clasped over his face.]

I'm pretty sure they weren't remotely thinking of that, no—ahmyffff—

[Is this supposed to be a nice sexy present for his birthday? Because he's in suffering. A good kind of suffering, but also a horrible kind, because he's being sucked off while also having to endure the worst of Wade Wilson.] If you keep acting like my dick's a lollipop I'm gonna crawl out the window and leave.

[.................. He absolutely is squirming despite this.]

[ Wade hums a thoughtful hum, pulling back to speak and look at Peter. The hand that had been counting reaches up to tug Peter's hand away from his face by his arm.

Okay, okay. Wade gets it, Peter doesn't want to think about owls or biting into lollipops. ]

But you're so sweet, make me wanna lick the wrapper? [ At least he's asking that horrible song lyric instead of singing it. He doesn't wait for a response before wrapping his mouth back around Peter's dick, and doing a very lewd swirl of his tongue around the tip, like he was sucking on a lollipop.

Apparently, even having a dick in his mouth doesn't keep him from being an annoyingly heavy presence. Cool.

One of his hands finds one of Peter's hips to try to keep him from squirming, the other hand drags Peter's arm down and guides his hand to the back of Wade's head before he starts a probably annoyingly slow pace of bobbing his head up and down, mouth around the only part of Peter who isn't unenthusiastic about this event. At least someone appreciates him. ]

[When Wade pulls the hand away, he's met with a red-faced Peter Parker. He grunts in frustration at the hand on his hip, fingers curling in the hair they're placed in — and his knees squirm instead, the rest of him melting against the couch.]

...Guess I'll forgive your lyric of choice being a Lil Wayne song...

[Firm muscle in his thighs tighten, and he lays his head back, replacing one fist over his eyes as Wade turns him into a puddle; it's only fair, maybe, after the threat of leaving through a window came out of his mouth (which has now devolved into little moans and breaths and Wade's name). He bucks his hips despite trying not to, the motion sharp but stopped short quickly, and looks sheepishly down his chest to Wade.]

S—sorry.

[He's really always on the alert to pull his strength during sex. Like right now.

The last thing he needs in life is give any person giving him a blowjob a concussion.

God, he'd never live that down.]

[ Wade's whole body jerks in a mixture of surprise and a gag at the sudden dick farther than he was expecting it to be.

Instead of offended, all Wade can really think is that he's a strong little fucker. A hot strong little fucker.

The hand at Peter's hip squeezes in a reassurance, he apparently doesn't have a loud enough complaint, since he's not pulling away from the task at ... does it really count as 'at hand'? Slightly watery eyes flicker up for a second and even if his eyebrows are tugged together in something resembling one of his more bitchy looks, he can understand being eager when someone's getting a blowjob.

Besides, he said sorry.

Sure, he even goes back to said blowjob - not before moving both hands to Peter's hips to try to keep that from happening again - and it might seem safe for a moment or two before the unthinkable happens.

Like a banshee wailing for death, a ding from the kitchen sounds.

Oh, no, and with it comes the unfortunate feeling of wet spider-junk no longer in a warm mouth and instead exposed to the air.

And Peter thought he was dealing with the worst of Wade before. ] Cake. I've gotta. That's --

Whu— Hey! But —

[Wade's gone, flying off toward the kitchen and the horrible, no good, very bad dinging noise. And Peter lays back into the couch with his palms over his eyes, the absolute devastation of this event palpable like a big smoggy cloud of blue-balled misery around him. Peter Parker Jr. is standing and as angry as a protester in front of the White House. Just let it all burn, Peter Parker Jr. says, Let the house burn down, if it means getting me off.]

Oh, sure, just leave me! I don't need ya anyway! I'll just suck my own dick!

[...................... Huuuuh.]

Edited 2020-01-15 04:35 (UTC)

[When Wade returns, he catches Peter bent forward like a pretzel, his face inches from his own dick.

...........

.............

...........................]

... How's the cake looking?

[ ....................
..................................................
.................................................................

Wade squints at Peter. Okay, normally that'd be so hot... Okay, it's still super hot, BUT STILL!!!! Does he think he can just REPLACE Wade!!! ]

Cake's fine. Should I leave you and your dick alone?

[ HE HAD RUSHED FOR YOU PETER!!!! He even still has oven mitts on. ]

[He uncurls immediately, cross-legged with his hands innocently at his ankles.

He looks. Pained.]

I thought you were leaving and never coming back, so I panicked.

[By trying to suck my own dick. It seems foolproof logic to him.]

[ Wade's face cracks into a grin. ]

I didn't know you were so bendy.

[ Letting him live it down is a KINDNESS he's offering because this DOOFUS decided he wanted to date Wade.

He heads back over to Peter, pausing to look at his oven mitts and give them a questioning look - as if he didn't remember putting them on. Then he plucks them off and tosses them over his shoulder. ]

Well I'm back, so scooch. Unless I really should leave you to it? Or maybe you want to eat cake instead?

[He scooches...

practically lounging down most of the couch and taking up all the room.

A very paint me like one of your french girls pose. Only the french girl has a hard-on.

Seems right.]

Wouldn't be the first time I've jerked myself off on my birthday.

[Oh, yes, the french girl is a professional at self-deprication.]

... If that's a thing you're into.

[ Wade snorts at the pose and the admittance. It should be illegal for him to look 100x better than Kate Winslet, but here Wade is, thinking that. ]

You jerking yourself off or sexually eating cake? Or giving you a blowie while you eat cake? Does that count under sexually eating cake?

[ Sorry, he lost the conversation staring at Peter. He finds a spot back on the couch, bullying his way back between Peter's legs. Luckily, or maybe annoyingly, he distracts himself by leaning down to press kisses at the inside of his upper thigh. Look, they're having a conversation or something... that lasts all of about two seconds before he's wrapping his lips back around the angriest protestor in the room. Conversations are easy when someone is trying to lick and suck your soul out of your dick, right?

Who knew, the worst of Wade comes out when he's giving oral. It's like his being has to make up for his silence in other annoying ways. ]

[His expression sours immediately after that... that.]

You give a guy an inch, they take...

[Oh, is someone trying to strangle his dick? No, that's just Wade Wilson a soul-sucking, suck-souling bastard. And in maybe one of his less proud moments, he makes a sharp sound of surprise and damn near immediately orgasms at the sudden ferocity behind Wade's handiwork. What was that, four seconds? Five? He covers his reddened face with his palm, sinking deeper into the couch with his chin squishing into his chest.]

... Cake sure smells good.

[ Wade pulls back off less angry Peter Jr. once he's finished with his surprisingly early ... well finish, and wipes a mixture of Peter's shame and his own saliva off his chin. At least he doesn't seem unimpressed or mocking. If anything he looks pretty pleased with himself. ]

Stop hiding your face, I like it.

[ There's a pout to his voice that Peter's probably heard a million times now. He reaches up to pull Peter's arm away. He has been robbed of so many cute expressions this blowjob he's certain of it. ]

Next time I'm tying you up if I have to.

[He peels his hand away, face flushed, and wraps his legs around Wade by the middle, dragging him in even closer before he has a chance to rebuke Peter's sturdy thighs.]

You, tying me up?

[He grins slyly, like he knows something Wade doesn't.]

What if it's the other way around?

[ Wade hums a pleased little sound, like there's nowhere he'd rather be. Honestly though, Peter's legs around him while he's being as spicy as a habanero? Wade could die happy. If he could die. ]

I'm not sure if you're challenging me or saying you're into tying me up.

[ He leans in a bit more, his hands finding Peter's thighs and traveling up to his hips a little ways. Pete, you're playing a dangerous game if you want cake now. ]

Well... I'm into whatever makes you happy.

[It's terribly skillful, how easily he switches from spicy to sweet as he drags Wade's head into his chest, hugging him there like a teenaged girl in a 80's movie hugging her trapper keeper to her bosom. He sighs, practically uwu's where he's laying, naked as sin. Hopefully the front door's actually locked, because someone's soul would leave their body walking in on this scene.]

... I'm glad you're here, Wade.

[ Anyone walking in would get a boot knife to the face, it's fine. Everything is fine. Wade relaxes into the spot he's been gently manhandled into. ]

That's a cop-out answer. You're either super kinky and shy about it or super vanilla and shy about it. There's no in-between.

[ They'll work on it, even if it ends up in Wade harassing Peter about kinks until he says he's into them or not. ]

Yeah, then you'd be sucking your own dick on your birthday with no cake.

[ Behind the humour he is too, glad he's there. Peter's something special. ]

I'm a catch.

[ He's really not. ]

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How can I write the most annoying Bj, oh I kno

you've succeeded, he's breaking up ASAP

i cant believe peter is bitching about a bj

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:)

1/3

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I'm sorry i hate him too

this icon works, you know it just does

it's a representation of his soul

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