quipsandthwips | Deerington Inbox

[ Wade goes quiet to listen to what Peter has to say; he's itching to butt in and lighten the mood or force the conversation elsewhere, but Peter deserves to say whatever he wants to say. Well, Wade thinks that until he hears the absolute garbage that leaves Peter's mouth. It actually gets him to stop walking. He doesn't exactly turn around, but he does glance over his shoulder, and the expression he's wearing isn't a pleasant one. ]

Don't fucking -- apologize like you have anything to be sorry for -- fuck - like you're not the victim in all this. I hit you. [ He wants to turn around and call him out on this stupid line of thinking, but he also doesn't want to make him face his dead fake aunt again. He's done enough damage as it is. ] I said I wasn't ever going to be like that - the kinda shitswizzler that smacks on the people he loves.

[ He opens his mouth again, then closes it with an audible click of his teeth that sounds painful before he starts walking again. ] Don't. You did everything right. I royally fucked that up. I royally fucked all of this up. I'm the one who should be sorry.

[Peter shakes his head.]

... I put you in a bad spot. Me. I should've let you leave when you wanted to.

I could tell something was effecting you, but... I decided to play hero. Because apparently that's just my go-to. Play hero, make things worse, rinse and repeat. [He massages his thumb over the space where his shoulder's scabbed, rough under the fabric of his shirt.] I can't say I didn't deserve at least one elbow to the head...

... You're not that kinda shitswizzler, Wade. That much I'm pretty confident in.

[ He halts again, and makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. He doesn't look back, but he doesn't start walking either. He's not an idiot, his words definitely had consequences,
they had hurt Peter. ]

I would have done the same thing. I wouldn't have let you leave until you broke my bones and tied me up into a pretzel.

And no-fucking-duh. You played hero because you are a hero. You're used to helping people - being able to help. You're Spider-Man! [ Not so used to the person on the other end being too much of a fuck up to help. ]

You didn't deserve any elbows to the head - fuck, Pete. You never deserve any. [ He wants to just turn around and touch, to try to soothe in some way, instead he just wobbles a little bit in an attempt to keep himself from causing Peter any more trauma with the dead aunt. ]

I'm sorry. [ He wants to chant it until it feels right, but he doesn't. He doesn't deserve forgiveness at least not easy forgiveness. ]

... Yeah? The real Aunt May, she wouldn't be dead under a hospital blanket back home if Peter Parker wasn't such a shitty son, needing to play the hero when she needed him most. [There's something hollow and twisted up in the way he says it, almost venomous in the self-hatred that suddenly drips from his voice. He would do anything right now, to bring her back. He'd let Kingpin gut him with that stupid weeaboo sword of his, if it meant her being okay.

That's Spider-Man for you, though. That's good ol' Peter Parker. Couldn't save his aunt, couldn't salvage his relationship, didn't fucking notice that something was wrong with his terminally ill best friend. Failed to pay rent or hold a job or stop the city from catching on literal fire. Never managed to keep his mentor from walking off that cliff into villany. Someday he'll absolutely let Wade down. Worse than he already has.

Weird, this whole 'self-loathing' session came kind of late to his Deerington stay.

Now he's just pissed at himself.]

You don't have to apologize for having a good point.

[He glances up, from the ground to Wade's back, his brain catching up with his emotions; maybe this isn't the best time to be open and honest. Maybe he should just shut his fucking mouth.]

Almost there?

[ It's a similar path he's been down. God, he hates to see Peter on it. Wade shifts the body in his arms so that he's holding it with one, not a hard feat for someone with mutate super strength, and reaches his hand behind him and wiggles his fingers in a "hold my hand" gesture. C'mon Peter, you gotta. ]

Yeah, almost there.

[ He doesn't know what to say, he's the guy to go to to joke things away. ]

The real Aunt May probably wanted you out saving whoever you were saving as much as you did.

[ He'll start walking again when he has a hand in his, and it won't be too long until they're happening upon a place in the trees where there was clearly already someone else buried. The ground obviously freshly dug and replaced, and the shovel laying against a nearby tree. ]

[He takes the hand, and — really, it's all just ridiculous, huh? Holding hands toward a burial for a murderous zombie that looks like your aunt-mom. This is just not a good date night. As they reach the recently dug-up ground, Peter stands, barefoot and looking just a smidge unhinged in his blood-spattered sleeping shirt and unkempt hair.

It's just one of those days. Watching Wade move, he drops his hands to his sides, frowning.]

... Wade. Who's —

[He hesitates, looking to the nearby mound. Something cold settles in his stomach.]

It's not — it doesn't have Vanessa's face, does it?

[ His head turns towards the unmarked grave, frown on his face evident.

There's something sharp in his voice, maybe a little sharper than he means it to be. ]

You think I'd be able to kill something with Ness' face?

[ He knows Peter didn't mean it like that, but it still stings. If this place threw someone who looked like Vanessa or Peter at him, he'd be the one in the ground. ]

It was someone else's problem. I was doing them a favour. [ Because apparently that's what he does now. He wonders if the kiddo is okay. He probably shouldn't have left him alone, but they both needed some space and Wade needed to talk to his boyfriend. ]

I'm starting to think an ice-pick to the brain would be more fun than this place.

[ He moves to set Aunt May down so he can grab the shovel and begin digging a hole next to the other one. ]

... Right. Sorry.

[He quiets, unsure what to do with himself. He wants to just rip the shovel out of Wade’s hands and do it himself, because he deserves as much. But he just ends up staring down at her body and disconnecting from this — everything. Instead he’s a year in the past, huddled next to her hospital bed, listening to her heartbeat evolve into that long flatline. It always ends up falling into that kind of thought process: what else could I have done? Was I not fast enough? What if I had actually stopped Otto from becoming what he did? What if I stopped Li before the City Hall disaster? What if I used my so-called intelligent brain to mass-produce the cure? Question after question, all with one answer: it doesn’t matter, because it’s not what happened.

He blinks, and the grave is half-dug, and he moves to Wade and pats his shoulder, holds out a hand expectantly for the shovel.]

My turn.

... Please.

[ He produces a non-committal grunt that probably translates to "apology accepted" or "whatever". And suddenly they're plunged into the fabled Wade Wilson silence -- a rare event that many have only dreamed about. The only sounds are his breathing and the unpleasant noise of the shovel being jammed into the earth to toss dirt aside in a pile.

It's nice to disassociate with a task, not that he's fully able to. His thoughts still swirling around what's happened. The dissociating is cut short by a pat at his shoulder and a hand wandering into his space in a gesture to hand him the shovel. ]

Not a fat chance in hell. Go sit down or something.

[ Peter's already pushed his buttons on this thing with following him out here. While he feels fucking terrible over what he's done to Peter and what he's done to his aunt looking monster, he's not about to let the asshole hurt himself in some self-flagellation. He cares too much about Peter to let him do that. ]

I'm almost done anyway. [ Half...way... ]

[He curls a hand on the handle, apparently not ready to back down from what he's wanting to do here. Maybe he's just a little too fucked up and bothered by this whole week to give a single solitary shit what Wade wants him to do.]

Give me the shovel or I'll start digging with my hands.

[Wouldn't want you to accidentally jab his fingers off in the process, would you?

Peter's beyond caring at this point.]

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cw: self-hate narrative, it's fine

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