quipsandthwips | [PSL] The Vinsmokes vs. Spider-Man

[PSL] The Vinsmokes vs. Spider-Man

[Peter Parker is doing fine.

Let him re-phase that: he's adapted and adjusted accordingly. Look, it hasn't been easy. Deciding to remain friends with MJ and still finding himself without an actual job or home to speak of doesn't beat losing both his mentor and his last surviving family member. There are empty spaces in his life that he tries not to linger on too long — but god, he misses May's smile, her voice, her kindnesses. It had taken so long to accept Ben's death... and now it's, just... it's hard. It's easier to just be Spider-Man for a while.

Crime doesn't sleep, after all. So yeah, homeless. That's no biggie. He's been there before. He mainly just works at FEAST with the homeless (he relates, and the new head honcho Miriam knew Peter was on the streets somehow, so he makes his keep there by volunteering. He, um. He gets to sleep in May's old office. It's... nice. There are still pictures and stuff hanging up that nobody had dared move.

So he's only sort of homeless now.

Anyway. Not important. What is important is keeping tabs on the villain activity around here. With most of the villains locked up aboard the Raft (not gonna even think about Dr. Octavius right now, because it still hurts too much), it's mainly these little obnoxious crime families and gangs; Kingpin had been the leader of all the gang activity before his arrest. And now it's this crime family. The Vinsmokes. Hard to get them arrested, and they've got so many secret strings being pulled all over. It makes for a real pain in the ass to deal with. He hasn't gotten a chance to catch the head honcho with anything criminal yet, but boy oh boy has he busted soooo many drug deals, weapons manufacturing, stolen goods deals — and so on.

Most of the grunts are easy-peasy. The literal family are all a bunch of super-powered heathens like him. Cool. He's gotten, like, three of them locked up on the Raft... only to have them somehow bought out, or released for shoddy police work, or something or another. Now there's just one locked up, but it's only a matter of time before Daddy Vinsmoke does his magic.

Ugh. He hates it.

2:30 a.m., and he's down by the docks and sticking against a nearby wall as fake money exchanges hands.]

Hey, do those work on any vending machine?

I'm dying for a bag of Doritos right about now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He pops up on the other side of the counter like a meerkat out of a hole in the ground.]

Thank god. You can't see it but I totally gnawed my own leg off to survive.

[... Die Hard comes floating up from behind the counter, too.]

How about a Christmas movie? Or maybe How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?

... The Lion King?

[... Oh no.

He loves Disney movies]

[He's also not about to admit that shit, so:]

Uh, you... choose.

[Rubbing awkwardly at his neck]

I've only seen one of those, anyway.

[He HUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMS in thought.]

Man, I don't know... This is a hard choice...

Timone and Pumba are the dream team, though. I can't deny I could use some of that.

[He tucks all three VHS tapes under his arm, wandering into Sanji's personal space to lean in and smell the casserole for approval (which is pretty easily won, it's Peter Parker).]

Man, that smells so good.

The last time I cooked something, it smelled like nail polish.

-- I'm gonna at least teach you how to boil water tomorrow.

[Gonna make your aunt proud, Peter, once Sanji shows you how to work all the shiny knobs on a stove top without burning something. Because the look he shoots Peter is down right dismayed, and followed on the heels of Sanji nudging Peter in the ribs with his elbow.]

Oi oi, if you're gonna hover, get some plates.

[... muttering quickly as he goes to fetch the utensils]

And the Lion King's, uh -- that's fine.

Oh, right. Plates. Did we unpack the plates...

[He goes wandering off yet again to The Box Room.

... And calls out:]

Lion King's a masterpiece!

And I totally know how to boil water! That's one of the only steps I can do!

[.............]

Maybe we should just eat it around out of the pan...?!

[Is this Peter Parker, referring the easiest solution possible instead of digging through a bunch of boxes?

Yes.]

[Peter Parker is a Heathen but this tuna casserole is going to taste a lot better hot than it will lukewarm. So even if it's against his high brow sensibilities...]

Fine, you animal. We'll eat from the pan.

[GUESS HE'LL JUST TAKE IT TO THE... living room? Which one's the living room? Probably the room with the TV, he figures, and places the still steaming hot pan on the ...

Do they have a table set up yet? No? Right then, Sanji stews in judgmental silence before huffing a relenting sight and putting his hard work onto a stray, sturdy box.]

And of course it's a masterpiece. Most Disney films are.

[Well, the classics are. Sanji is definitely one of those "BACK IN MY DAY" Disney fans who would whip someone for saying they preferred Frozen to The Little Mermaid]

[.....................

Peter grins so very wide, twirling a spoon around between his fingers like its a drumstick.]

Is Fancy Sandy a Disney film buff?

An all-knowing critic and fanboy of the mouse ears?

[This is perfect. The best move-in ever. He's thrilled.]

-- Oi oi, I'm wearing sweat pants and a hand-me-down sweater, how fuckin fancy do you think I am?

[It's not even suspicion on Sanji's part; he just hates being called out like this?? Hello???]

Also: fuck you. The food's getting cold, so shut up and eat already.

Don't even pretend you're not some fancy-shmancy chef type that would wear one of those ten-story tall hats.

[But he can't stop grinning like an asshole, as he starts digging into the food. Literally one bite in and he's melting against the back of the couch, groaning a muffled groan. Whadda pig.]

I feel like I haven't eaten in years, I'm so hungry. This food's enchanted, isn't it? This is gonna be a Hansel and Gretel thing. You're gonna shove my bloated tuckus into a cauldron later, aren't you?

[He's the worst and should be thrown out the window really.]

[Sanji is so damned tempted to try tossing Peter out a window, I'll have you know.

Just throw the whole bastard away]

Tch! Like I'd put that much effort into cooking you. If I wanted to turn into a shitty wendigo, it wouldn't because of your wiry ass, that's for sure.

[Taking a much more dignified bite of his food as he reclines into the couch, and... eh. It's alright. Not his best, as he already suspected, which makes him all the more secretly amused by Peter's antics]

And have you ever tried wearing those hats? Either you staple 'em to your head or they get in the way.

[... No one in this room should be surprised that Sanji wore a ten-story chef hat. Of course he fuckin did]

[He leans back, spoon hanging out of his mouth for a moment-]

You really wore those? A real chef's hat?!

Dude. We need to get you one for FEAST, ASAP.

[He may or may not also jab the squeaky-cleaned spoon at Sanji, for effect.]

You could not pay me enough to wear that hat, bastard.

[Also so long as that spoon isn't jabbed in his side --

at which point he'll make an undignified squawk and scoot away bc

he's ticklish

you asshole]

[... Peter stares for a moment.

And then a concerningly mischevious grin pulls across his lips, as he wriggles his fingers with sinister intentions.]

Ohohoho... A natural weakness...

Whatever should I do with this new information?

You can keep your goddamn hands and spoons to yourself!!

[They've escalated to screaming. This is going well.

And Sanji is not about to scoot back next to Peter under any circumstances, huddled against the couch end like a lady trying to protect her dignity.]

And it's not a weakness! Some people were just born with sensitive bodies!

I'll bet!

[It's famous last words as he lunges and prepares to dig his rude-ass fingers into Sanji's sensitive ribcage.

Is he about to die? Maybe. But at least he can die accomplished.

Livin' the dream right now, this one.]

[Peter will absolutely die if he can't dodge Sanji's feet.

But assuming God is on his side, the other makes a precision strike that immediately draws a squirm and a guffaw from Sanji before he just starts howling obscenities for Peter to get off, you goddamned bastard!

-- That he's laughing helplessly and still looking for escape kind of undercuts the threat though, so.

RIP buddy.]

F-fuck you! I hate you! Go to hell already!

[IS THERE A PILLOW HE CAN RETALIATE WITH? NO? FINE he'll just start smacking Peter on the back or shoulders or wherever he can reach in an desperate bid to make him get off]

I'm never feeding you again!

[Peter's not even remotely focused on just how close their proximity is, to be honest; he's such a big manchild sometimes, and in this instance he's just thinking about how absolutely enjoyable it is to tickle a man to near-death. But at that last bit, he gasps SO DRAMATICALLY, pulling back his hands.]

Whoa whoa whoa, going to hell or hating me is one thing —

But never feeding me again? You've gone too far!

[How offensive!]

I'll starve! I'm still a growing boy with a fast metabolism!

[Literally just

folding his arms protectively over his stomach and then using a foot to ease Peter away from him. Personal bubble, plz. The tickling crusade has ended]

Oh? You mean your frozen tv dinners and takeout won't be there to comfort you?

[Peter, that little fucker, seems entirely at ease with the foot that is currently displacing him to the other end of the couch. He just grins and seems happy in the moment, as he tends to be, because life's too short to be anything else, right?]

... Hey now, takeout's delicious. Especially that little Panda-Something on the corner.

I could eat those noodles for weeks.

[Of course he could. Of course.]

[Somewhere between the bickering and threatened tickling and whatnot, the movie does get started... eventually. Sooner or later. Peter had actually forced himself to stay put tonight -- just tonight, okay? -- and let Spider-Man sit in the closet in a carefully managed box. MJ had texted him that breaks didn't make him a horrible person; he's pretty sure it does when it means life or death for some of the civilians out there, but...

But a movie isn't the end of the world. It's okay.

And y'know, maybe he's been exhausting himself doing it. Between helping with FEAST and doing Spider-Man stuff and going to job interviews (after turning down that concerning interview Sanji freaked out about), he's wiped. And so halfway through their movie... he sort of just... goes to sleep.

Sorry, Sanji, he's slumping your direction.

It's not a tickle rematch, though, made more clear by the soft snore that emits from him.]

[Sanji's not hip enough to do that whole "Netflix and Chill" nonsense that's got all the teenagers abuzz; he's here to watch a movie after they've finished eating, leaned back into the surprisingly comfy sofa while his eyes remain glued to the screen.

And of course, at the halfway mark is when he feels a weight against his sides. Light enough to be bearable, warm enough to be distracting. Sanji tenses in place and doesn't dare looking anywhere but dead center at the TV.

Peter doesn't move -- just snores away and makes himself comfortable on Sanji's shoulder. The asshole.

And that's when the nervousness fills his mouth, the corners of his lips catching into a light frown. He's stopped watching the movie by this point, too distracted by the warmth on his right side. Damn it. It's like everywhere he turns, Peter is determined to be stupidly charming. If not in the name of friendship, then always with that secret, puppy-dog gaze of his, like someone waiting patiently for a miracle to occur.

Sanji doesn't know what type of man Peter thinks he is, but he's no saint. He's just a brick wall that can feel his foundations starting to weaken, bit by bit. It'll be a fuckin disaster for both of them.]

I really hate you, y'know?

[Speaking brazenly into the air, defiant, pretending that Peter might hear him in his sleep and feel guilty for the inconvenience.

Sanji pretends he doesn't notice how his claim loses all of its fire when he continues to sit there, allowing the other to rest into him.]

----

[And three hours later, with his arms still folded and his own head now tucked over Peter's, breathing deeply in sleep, Sanji hears a faint knock at the door.

The sound is so soft it's disorienting, and Sanji's eyebrows knit in irritation. Only when the knocking persists does he growl, head lifting, bleary-eyed and struggling to remember where he's at.

His eyes drop a fraction to a headful of brown hair, and -- ah. Right. This bullshit.

... Well. The asshole's had a long day. It wouldn't do if he woke up because someone's clamoring at his door. With more care than he'll ever admit to, Sanji very slowly pulls himself away, using a wall of pillows to keep the other propped up while he eases himself off the couch. He's still half-asleep by the time he gets to the front door, a hand threading through his hair so that it won't look like an untamed nest]

Oi, the fuck do you want, it's gotta be like--

["Language, Alessandro. Really."

His sister crosses her arms, warmed by a fur coat that must be a new gift from their father -- frowning lightly while she brushes her bangs away from her eyes. That Sanji turns pale doesn't seem to concern her. The woman's eyes tick behind him before every part of her expression turns polished and glassy, adorned with a casual smile.

"Oh, you needn't worry. I'm not here for Mr. Parker. I made sure I wasn't followed here, either, so -- you're welcome, of course."

She leans forward, just an inch, using Sanji's stunned silence to her advantage.

"You're so bad at covering your tracks, so I figured I should warn you -- Father isn't very pleased with you at the moment... he's going to send Ichiji to track you down if you don't come home soon." Pulling backward, ruffling up the furs around her neck to keep out the chill. Her eyes remain on him.

"Remember, we're required to be present for Father's newest... experiment"]

... Don't tell me shit I already know, Reiju.

["Hm. So you say."

Another smile. Her eyes tick toward the door again.

"Well, I'm not here to interrupt your date, of course. Just a warning. Do what you will with it, I really don't care." The smile sharpens into a knife point, followed by a short but amused huff when Sanji shoots her a disgruntled look. "Oh stop that, I'm sure even Mr. Parker won't kiss a face like that."]

For shit's sake, would you leave already?

["Right, right. Enjoy your night then, Alessandro."

Turning away with another smile, this one almost a leer of amusement, the clip of her heels following her all the way down the stairs and out of sight.]

[Maybe Peter pretends to sleep through the conversation.

Maybe he pretends not hear too much of it.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Remember, we're required to be present for Father's newest... experiment.

He has to fight himself subconsciously not to react to that. Alright — he's gotta go look into that. As soon as possible. Because he's going to have a troubled mind if he doesn't do something. Maybe not just for the city, but... y'know. Does he even have to say it?

Does he even have to admit the blush that creeps over his face, when she mentions a kiss? It's not until he hears her leaving that he manages to wrangle his thoughts; he sits up slowly, rubbing one eye, admittedly as sleepy as he sounds.]

Uh — hey. Someone at the door...?

[Plan for tomorrow night: collect what's needed to take out the Vinsmokes.

... Hopefully once and for all, with Daddy Vinsmoke behind prison bars.]

Some shitty, midnight solicitor. Don't worry about it.

[Sanji tries to sound friendly. He probably succeeds. That Peter is awake and staring at him with that doe-eyed look curls tension in his stomach, but he knows better than to drop this act for anything.

It's not the guy's business, first off. It's a death sentence for another.

Sanji shouldn't have come here, he realizes belatedly, like he always does whenever his sister has to come in cleaning up his messes. The smile remains on his face, but the muscles of his shoulders stiffen into balls. He remains standing by the couch, refusing to sit]

... s'kinda late. I dunno, maybe I should leave...

[Rubbing at his neck and just. not looking Peter directly in the eye]

Can't be comfortable sharing a shitty couch and all.

[Peter's trying his best not to look disappointed at that. But Sanji's got a point — what's he gonna do, ask him to sleepover? He can take the couch? Knowing what he knows right now, it's not exactly anything Sanji'd agree to. So he just smiles a little, moving to stand up and stretch his arms high over his head.]

Right, riiight, it's getting late. Wow, I didn't realize how tired I was...

[It was nice. Getting a little rest. Y'know. All that. Aha.]

You need a noble warrior to walk you to the street, m'lady?

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

/returns with upgraded account again and starbucks

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject