quipsandthwips | Deerington Inbox

[He's so taken aback by the surprise kiss, he really has no rebuttal.

You win this round, you villain.]

You're asking the person who could burn water?

Me, Peter Parker, one of the worst cooks in New York City?

How are you bad at making food. Isn't it like... science? Apart from the witchcraft aspect of it. And the tender seducing part. But you're great at science and seduction.

[ Aw, those are like, genuine compliments. He's in a sweetieboy mood apparently. Enjoy it while you can, Peter. He's going to go harass the oven, y'know, open it look at the cake, sniff, close it. Maybe he'll even pout a little. Still too fuckin' goopy lookin'.

He makes a grumpy little displeased noise in the kitchen. This isn't going how he wanted it to go. He wanted to wake Peter up with cake and maybe a BJ. Who knows. This? Not going according to plan. It's okay though, he's not too bothered by it. When do his plans ever go according to plan? ]

Do you want a blowie before or after your cake?

[ Ah, yes, normal questions, Wade. Great job. That's probably one way to wake someone up, huh? ]

[A record skips in his head, and he looks baffled for a moment, sprawled disheveled and bleary on the couch in his pajamas.]

... Pardon?

[Maybe he misheard that. But mostly, maybe he should be used to Wade just throwing things out there with the same casualness one takes up when asking if they need to do the laundry.]

[ . . .

One day Peter will get used to Wade's casualness in most situations, but apparently today isn't that day. Wade wanders back from the oven to look at Peter, his own expression baffled. Does he suddenly sound as confused as Peter feels? ]

Unless you don't want one?

[ Last time they'd talked he'd been pretty gung-ho about the idea. Wade just assumed that hadn't changed. Maybe it had. Hello, 1001 reasons why Peter Parker has probably changed his mind about all this. Good to see that list again. ]

I... um. That's.

[Wow, he sure is forgetting English. He looks down at his pajama bottoms. Peter Jr. is definitely not up for breakfast. He's fast asleep, tucked under his blankets, oblivious to the world— God, these metaphors. Kill him. The idea of Wade trying to blow him only to find him unaroused is enough to make him a big ball of nerves.]

If you want to. I mean... I don't want you to do it just to make me feel good.

[ Look, Wade isn't even following that Peter is nervous about the fact that his pocket rocket isn't so rocket-y and more like a pocket limp noodle. And not the fun kind that you beat the shit out of people with in the pool. The kind that you throw at the wall to see if it's done. ]

I want to make you feel good. That's pretty high on my priorities. It's above going to another Céline Dion concert.

[ He seems to actually contemplate what he wants to say next, which is rare. ]

"No" and "Pythagorean Theorem" are also acceptable answers.

... No — I mean, yes! I just mean no, that I don't want to say no, I'm...

[He shrugs his shoulders, practically up to his ears, hair all wild and shirt rumpled.]

I just need a little more foreplay than 'do you want a blowie' if you're gonna get anywhere with mini-me, champ.

[ Wade stares at him with the whole effect of 'the lights are on but nobody's home' while he runs through that weird mashup of answers, and even a few seconds after. ]

Sorry -- I'm just ironing the mini-stroke I just had out in my head: that was a yes, right?

[ He asked if he wanted it before cake or after cake, not if he wanted one, well not at first!!! Maybe if he was fully following this conversation he'd make a quip about Peter sounding like every scoutmaster ever, but luckily, he's not. ]

The most convoluted yes in history, but a yes?

[............... good job pete]

Yes. It was a convoluted yes.

As long as this doesn't end up with my house catching fire from burning cake.

[Relenting, he crawls to sit with his elbows on the armrests, chin on his hands.]

... But now the most important challenge is: what can you do to get me turned on, first?

[ Wade's head tips to the side slightly, like he's weighing options in his head. ]

Challenge?

[ Well, when he puts it like that.. ]

That doesn't sound like a challenge; it sounds like a delight.

[ He starts to head over to Peter like he has a goal in mind, but then stops, a different and more thoughtful expression passing over his face. Ruh roh.]

What turns you on? [ Maybe it was a mistake to think the guy that had previously been with a prostitute would have a problem with prodding at kinks or finding any of it challenging. ] What's the naughty stuff on your browser history? We all know you have a thing for me in dresses. [ He doesn't actually know that. ] I didn't bring a dress. But that means it's not all the vanilla stuff that the Bambi eyes suggest. Can't fool me.

[He looks somewhat puzzled by the question.

What turns him on...?

Well, Wade didn't bring a dress. But also, he hasn't really put much thought into it before. Being scratched by someone's nails is kinda sexy. Hair-pulling? All of which he prefers happens to himself; it's never really sat right with him, to do it to his partner. Naughty stuff in his browser history...]

Pizza guy delivery porn?

... I'm kidding, please don't come to my door in a pizza guy outfit.

[Not that there isn't a porn clip in his history that involves delivery men. Lets be honest with ourselves.]

I don't know. I just like when whoever I'm with is into it.

[ With how much Peter likes pizza, he is 100% certain he appreciates pizza guy delivery porn. Even if the idea is shot down. Sad, that gets rid of all the dick in a box jokes he could make. Oh well.

It's not like Wade could judge him, there's a lot of weird shit in his internet history.

But, more importantly: Peter had not denied the dress thing. Interesting. Jotting that down to return to another day. Of course Peter has the sweetest answer possible to the question. Why is Wade even surprised by that. Even if it is a bit of a 'I'm too shy to talk about what I'm into' cop out.

He's back to making it his job to be in Peter's personal space, apparently, because he heads over to him, leaning down and in for a kiss that would probably make anyone else's back hate them for it. It's soft and sweet, which seems to be the theme of the morning, except when it ends with Wade's tongue swiping over Peter's bottom lip and then teeth biting into it just barely. It's fine, Peter, he'll just fling things at the wall and see what sticks. A grin is on his face as he pulls away slightly, Peter's lower lip between his teeth still before he lets it go.

He looks at Peter curiously before he starts manhandling him up against the other arm rest, giving himself room to climb between his legs. ]

Did you want to fuck me when I was playing nurse? [ Hello, more blunt questions. At this point Peter's going to start losing brain cells from sheer blunt force trauma. ] Is that why you made me take the dress off? [ Or, they could revisit the topic now.

It's like Dora the Explorer with Peter's kinks. Wade can dig it. ]

[He makes a startled little sound, but seems more interested and curious than anything else, as he pulls his knees up, lets Wade crowd in between his bent legs while he slouches back against the armrest. Alright, alright, he's here to see where this is going — clearing his throat:]

... Yeah.

[A pause. And surprisingly enough, he blushes, glancing aside.

Not wholly rare, him turning red, but hardly a common response in these situations.]

You look great in a dress.

[ Oh! Hello, blushy shy Peter, definitely skyrocketing to Wade's list of top favourite types of Peter. Wade's first instinct is disbelief; there's a kneejerk emotional reaction of distrust. But it's hard to follow that line of thought, or at least pay attention to it currently, when Peter is looking so embarrassed.

Well, might as well ruin his entire subconscious' career for the next couple nights, since Peter's definitely ruined Wade's. ] I would have let you.

[ He rests his hands on Peter's knees. ] But thanks, you really know how to make a gal feel pretty. [ Except he hadn't at the time. Not really.

Wade's hands slide up Peter's legs from his knees, to linger on his thighs before trailing further up as Wade turns the tables. The lizard suddenly becomes the basking rock. There's a sweet amount of trying not to squish Peter for someone who unknowingly can't actually squish the guy under him. He tilts Peter's chin up with a finger so he can mouth at an invisible path down Peter's throat. ] I'll wear them more often for you. [ Now that he actually knows what Peter's deal is, instead of hazarding a guess. ]

[He's still red as Wade kisses him across the neck, breathing out a soft moan at the thought of everything that Wade's currently putting into his head. Wade's not exactly corrupting the sweet vanilla angel who has never done anything remotely risque, but he has to admit that this self-discovery business is reminding him just how puritan he could be in his past relationships in contrast.]

... As long as there's no clown costumes involved, you can dress up in whatever you'd like.

[It's a dumb joke, but he's got a dumb brain right now, head stretched back and adam's apple bobbing. The idea of fucking Wade is making him all kinds of foggy and all kinds of hard under Wade's weight.]

[ Wade's not one to brag, but if he were he'd probably be thinking something like so much for a challenge but of course he'd never think that...

It's hard not to pay attention to Peter's reactions, even if he's trying not to let it distract him from his mission. If he didn't have a plan in mind, he'd probably stay there all day sucking on Peter's neck and trying to drive him crazy with his apparently very active imagination.

He squirms a bit to free Peter's pajama shirt so he can push it up him and bunch it under his collar bone. Collar bones that he is definitely going to take a minute to drag his teeth over when he makes it there.

The clown thing does make him snort. ]

I'm offended you don't think I could be a fuckable clown. [ He punctuates the sentence with a nip at Peter's skin in retaliation to the dumb joke. ] Like Jared Leto or Pennywise. [ A huff of air against Peter's clavicle is probably a good sign that that's also a joke. Wade wouldn't fuck a clown with Peter's dick, let alone his own. Look, he has to joke about this and think about Pennywise because Peter is getting him hot under the collar and this was supposed to be a surprise blowjob, then again, did he really think he'd be able to walk away from this without the bluest balls in existence? ]

Whatever I like? What about you? What would you like? [ The question is posed with the same nonchalance that he'd had when asking if Peter wanted a blowie. His weight shifts again, and he slides himself a little lower down Peter's body, still keeping contact against him, just so he can begin his trail down Peter's chest slowly. ]

There is absolutely no such thing as a fuckable clown.

[Oooh, he said the f-word. Risque.]

And if you try to use Jared Leto or Pennywise in any of our sexual encounters, I promise that I'll go as limp as a wet noodle. [He huffs, only mildly annoyed that this topic of dresses is actually getting him more turned on; it's like Wade's winning at something, and lord knows we can't have that. He bites his lip, squirming a little, trying not to let it faze him yet.] I don't know. Something pretty. Wait, is this for sex, or just advice for a cute aesthetic for summer? Because floral is always a hit.

[He's just being a butthead now. Mostly.]

Oooh, baby, I love when you talk dirty.

[ The grin that tastes Peter's skin definitely means he's poking fun at him. ] Not a Jared Leto fan? Me neither, the guy's a real putz.

[ It's true and we all know it.

Peter may be a butthead, but Wade can be just as much of one too. ] Something pretty? Thousand bucks says you're into lingerie too.

[ But because he wants no wet noodle syndrome he detours from his path downward and presses his tongue flat against one of Peter's nipples before swirling his tongue around it. He has a far too pleased look on his face when he pulls away slightly to glance up at Peter. ] Hey, look, your dick isn't the only thing on you I can make hard.

[ It's true, there isn't such thing as a fuckable clown because Wade's probably making it real hard to want to fuck him. ]

[Peter jolts at the tongue at his nipple, maybe because he's not really used to anyone thus far in his love life to aim for such a spot — and then huffs and thumps his fist on the top of Wade's head. For someone who could definitely crush someone's skull if he wanted to, it was embarrassingly soft. Probably didn't even displace any hair. What a sap.]

Nothing as hard as that thick skull of yours.

[You monster.]

You just trying to get me all flustered and worked up before I work in the lab?

[You're lucky it's Saturday and he doesn't have to be at real work.]

[ Hello, sir sensitive.

Because Wade's a playfully spiteful little shit, he nips at it in retaliation to the insult before going back to the task he had planned, which is trailing his mouth down Peter's chest, and then his stomach. He squirms his way down when he needs more space. One of his hands slides up Peter's side only to move to rub his thumb over the nipple that hadn't been in his mouth, just because the first reaction he'd gotten had been great.

What a butthead.

He pauses right above Peter's bellybutton to talk. ]

I'm trying to get you all flustered and worked up because you challenged me to. And because I want you to shove your dick down my throat and forget we're in a literal hell-scape. [ A #classy boyfriend. ] If you want to think about me and get worked up in the lab too, I'm also okay with that.

Are we on the same page?

Classy.

[Maybe he read your brackets. But probably not. It's probably just common sense. He actually has the mind to not jolt like he's been electrocuted by Wade's revisiting his chest with a hand, but boy if he doesn't have to hold his breath where he's sitting. There's a little grunt as he shifts, his sweats pulling down lower and lower as he squirms.]

... Whether or not we're on the same page, pretty sure... there's at least one part of me that is...

[Oh, hey, that's a dick struggling under heart-themed underwear.]

.............

They were on discount.

Edited 2019-12-11 06:52 (UTC)

[ His amusement could probably be seen a mile away as his gaze goes from Peter's face, to his chest, then down to his boxers, or maybe he's looking at the ol webslinger trying to say hello, it's him. ]

Lie all you like but I'm aware you're secretly a fashionista.

[ Then he does probably one of the rudest things he could possibly do - he pulls back, sitting up and leaning away. This of course is so he can work on shimmying Peter's sweats and boxers a little lower. When he manages that, he wraps his hand around the sad warrior that had been trapped behind heart boxers and gives him a few pumps, almost thoughtlessly. ]

Do you think they were thinking about gargling cock when they wrote those stupid owl commercials for Tootsie-Pops? How could they not be.

[ So, here's the thing. Like most things Wade does, the next thing he does is without warning. He moves back down to practically swallow all of Peter dick into his mouth and down his throat. Sorry, was there supposed to be some sexy build-up where he didn't immediately do that?

What an asshole.

He sucks and swallows around Peter before pressing his tongue up against him and holds up a pointer finger to count one.

Wow, he really is going to ruin Tootsie-Pops for Peter, isn't he?

What an asshole. ]

[Peter groans, and it's genuinely hard to tell if it's indecent or miserable. He peers down at Wade with a furrowed brow and one judging eye between the fingers clasped over his face.]

I'm pretty sure they weren't remotely thinking of that, no—ahmyffff—

[Is this supposed to be a nice sexy present for his birthday? Because he's in suffering. A good kind of suffering, but also a horrible kind, because he's being sucked off while also having to endure the worst of Wade Wilson.] If you keep acting like my dick's a lollipop I'm gonna crawl out the window and leave.

[.................. He absolutely is squirming despite this.]

[ Wade hums a thoughtful hum, pulling back to speak and look at Peter. The hand that had been counting reaches up to tug Peter's hand away from his face by his arm.

Okay, okay. Wade gets it, Peter doesn't want to think about owls or biting into lollipops. ]

But you're so sweet, make me wanna lick the wrapper? [ At least he's asking that horrible song lyric instead of singing it. He doesn't wait for a response before wrapping his mouth back around Peter's dick, and doing a very lewd swirl of his tongue around the tip, like he was sucking on a lollipop.

Apparently, even having a dick in his mouth doesn't keep him from being an annoyingly heavy presence. Cool.

One of his hands finds one of Peter's hips to try to keep him from squirming, the other hand drags Peter's arm down and guides his hand to the back of Wade's head before he starts a probably annoyingly slow pace of bobbing his head up and down, mouth around the only part of Peter who isn't unenthusiastic about this event. At least someone appreciates him. ]

[When Wade pulls the hand away, he's met with a red-faced Peter Parker. He grunts in frustration at the hand on his hip, fingers curling in the hair they're placed in — and his knees squirm instead, the rest of him melting against the couch.]

...Guess I'll forgive your lyric of choice being a Lil Wayne song...

[Firm muscle in his thighs tighten, and he lays his head back, replacing one fist over his eyes as Wade turns him into a puddle; it's only fair, maybe, after the threat of leaving through a window came out of his mouth (which has now devolved into little moans and breaths and Wade's name). He bucks his hips despite trying not to, the motion sharp but stopped short quickly, and looks sheepishly down his chest to Wade.]

S—sorry.

[He's really always on the alert to pull his strength during sex. Like right now.

The last thing he needs in life is give any person giving him a blowjob a concussion.

God, he'd never live that down.]

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... are threads suddenly going nsfw uh whoops?

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wheres the serious porn steph and ashlee

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How can I write the most annoying Bj, oh I kno

you've succeeded, he's breaking up ASAP

i cant believe peter is bitching about a bj

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