quipsandthwips | [PSL] The Vinsmokes vs. Spider-Man

[PSL] The Vinsmokes vs. Spider-Man

[Peter Parker is doing fine.

Let him re-phase that: he's adapted and adjusted accordingly. Look, it hasn't been easy. Deciding to remain friends with MJ and still finding himself without an actual job or home to speak of doesn't beat losing both his mentor and his last surviving family member. There are empty spaces in his life that he tries not to linger on too long — but god, he misses May's smile, her voice, her kindnesses. It had taken so long to accept Ben's death... and now it's, just... it's hard. It's easier to just be Spider-Man for a while.

Crime doesn't sleep, after all. So yeah, homeless. That's no biggie. He's been there before. He mainly just works at FEAST with the homeless (he relates, and the new head honcho Miriam knew Peter was on the streets somehow, so he makes his keep there by volunteering. He, um. He gets to sleep in May's old office. It's... nice. There are still pictures and stuff hanging up that nobody had dared move.

So he's only sort of homeless now.

Anyway. Not important. What is important is keeping tabs on the villain activity around here. With most of the villains locked up aboard the Raft (not gonna even think about Dr. Octavius right now, because it still hurts too much), it's mainly these little obnoxious crime families and gangs; Kingpin had been the leader of all the gang activity before his arrest. And now it's this crime family. The Vinsmokes. Hard to get them arrested, and they've got so many secret strings being pulled all over. It makes for a real pain in the ass to deal with. He hasn't gotten a chance to catch the head honcho with anything criminal yet, but boy oh boy has he busted soooo many drug deals, weapons manufacturing, stolen goods deals — and so on.

Most of the grunts are easy-peasy. The literal family are all a bunch of super-powered heathens like him. Cool. He's gotten, like, three of them locked up on the Raft... only to have them somehow bought out, or released for shoddy police work, or something or another. Now there's just one locked up, but it's only a matter of time before Daddy Vinsmoke does his magic.

Ugh. He hates it.

2:30 a.m., and he's down by the docks and sticking against a nearby wall as fake money exchanges hands.]

Hey, do those work on any vending machine?

I'm dying for a bag of Doritos right about now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He gasps, squinting offendedly at Sanji, before nudging him on the forearm with a finger.]

Who says I'm not babysitting you?

I'm totally the leader of this operation!

[GOTCHA. CAN'T BEAT THAT, CAN YA, CURLY BROW.

... He pulls back and puts his hands over his cheeks, stubbornly.]

........................

They are not.

Don't make me ask our dear Miss Priscilla how many drinks you've had already.

[ :) ]

Really, I'm impressed! It's like every assumption I make about you ends up being wrong. I'm not usually this bad at shitty guessing.

[Sanji: probably only admitting this because Peter is drunk and hopefully won't remember a word of it later]

-- Also, I'm the one between us who can walk in a straight line.

Of course I'm the goddamn babysitter tonight. Suck it up.

Ugh. I don't need a babysitter.

[And sure, he can't walk in a straight line — but he can still walk on walls! Not that that's... a thing he's gonna do in front of Sanji. Right. No walking on walls or anything like that, because... that's... a Spider-Man thing. Open, public bar + Spider-Man stuff - Mask = Trouble.]

Heeey! Larry! Sandy's gonna come ask for tips later!

[Sorry, did you wanna avoid being spotlit? Because here we are.

Priscilla just smiles and laughs, checking the clock on her phone. "Heyhey, It's a week day, you know. I'm thinking we should probably cut you guys off — don't you work at FEAST tomorrow, Petey?" She puts her chin in her hands and looks over at Sanji with a knowing smile. "Sandy, I think you need to cutt off handsome here, before he regrets the hangover."]

[Amusement immediately turning into a scowl when Peter opens his big mouth, Sanji pulls back into his seat, lips pursed together. He refuses to look Larry's way and grumbles under his breath]

And this is why I try to avoid going out in public with you, bastard...

[Just for that, he sure is gonna visit this pizza place by himself, without Peter, out of spite. He can make friends by himself!

His tune changes a little when Priscilla comes to his rescue. Ever see a kid visibly gloat when the parent takes their side? Yeah, Peter, that's one hell of a smirk being aimed your way when she isn't paying attention. Look at this; even the pretty ladies are cutting you off.]

Yeah, m'thinking it's past someone's bedtime. [Careful to polish off the last of his pizza, Sanji wipes his hands with a napkin before smoothly getting to his feet, arms stretched over his head to get the blood flowing.]

So, "handsome" -- [dead-eying Peter] You footing the bill or what?

[It's a good thing he's already red in the face.

You all are totally ganging up on him; he sees you, villains.]

Oh, yeah! Yeah, I got it...!

[Peter begins to fish into his wallet and plucking out wrinkled bills, as Priscilla seems to take note of it — and when the bill gets to Sanji, there are definitely drinks missing on the list that are conveniently missing. Peter'd be far more perceptive of this fact if he weren't wasted; maybe that's the point, as he leaves empties out his pocket for a tip that is almost predominantly composed of quarters.

Peter had planned to spend the last of his cash for the week on this outing, it seems.]

Let's get outta here, yeah...! F'I stay any longer, m'gonna totally fall asleep on the table...!

[... Sanji notes the inconspicuously missing drinks, yes. Just like he watches Peter with a measured glance as the latter fishes out a sad-looking fistful of bills to throw on the table. Both are enough to have him heaving a sigh to himself, but it not being his place to comment, he doesn't -- just warms his hands in his pockets and waits for Peter to get his coat back on.

He'll nod silently to Larry, grin and say his goodbyes to Priscilla -- yeah, yeah, he'll make sure Handsome gets home safe and sound -- and then it's out into the cold for both of them. As Peter predicted, it's pretty dark by this point, if well illuminated given the city lights. NYC doesn't sleep and all. Unless they stumble into an alleyways or move away from the bustle of the city, it shouldn't be so dark they can't get back to FEAST.

Hopefully.]

For the record: you run into a wall, I ain't gonna stop your shitty ass.

Suuuure. If I run into a wall, I totally meant to do it. Oh, here—!

[He slides his arm around Sanji's like they're in the Wizard of Oz, traveling the yellow brick road.

And grins like a little shit.]

There we go; now I won't go walking into any buildings.

[We're off to see the Wizard~]

[Greaaaaat, Peter is a clingy drunk. Of fuckin course he is. Sanji immediately balks and tries to wiggle his arm free]

Asshole, would you -- oi! You're gonna make me trip like this!

[Mostly because of Sanji's halfhearted attempts to dislodge himself, but details. With Peter that close, he might be able to note that Sanji is pretty warm, just comfortably radiating heat like a furnace. Probably the reason he can walk around in the cold only wearing a sweater.]

Keep it up and I'll kick you into a wall instead.

[Noooo you won't. But he's not gonna say that, because that makes you five-hundred times more likely to kick him into a wall. He keeps their arms linked anyway, and his eyebrows shoot up before he leans into the guy. Mostly just trying to figure out if that's normal or if he's got a fever and is Dying. No, wait, he's a fire-guy. He's suddenly pretty relieved that 'Sandy' gave away his oddities on the roof, so he has an excuse to know about his weird power business.]

Geez, you're warm. You ever consider a job as a professional oven?

[He's a barnacle; just give up, man.]

... You're not sick, are you? We can stop and grab something for that.

I mean, I know you're used to being high on the thermometer but...

[Peter for god's sake, they are walking right now, could you not disrupt Sanji's personal bubble like this?]

Tch! If I were sick, half the shitty buildings would be on fire right now.

[-- Probably not the best quip, given it's not exactly normal for people to have any sorts of abilities. Still, Sanji can't work up the effort to care. He's already relinquished control of his arm in an attempt to keep them both upright, and rather than glare, he turns a frank, questioning look in Peter's direction.]

... You do remember I almost burned your aunt's plants, right? [A beat of hesitation] Maybe back up a few paces...

[It's -- well. A smart person would have avoided Sanji after that encounter on the roof. Shit, he shouldn't still have his job at FEAST. Even Peter has got to know that. The more he dwells on it, the stranger it seems, until what little alcohol is in his system prompts out a question he'd hoped to keep to himself]

... Oi. Why did you bother inviting me out? [...] Didn't think I gave off many "accommodating" vibes.

Oooh, yeah, I sure do remember...

[And hey, no fair — he can't exactly be covert about his opinions and feelings when he's sloshed, now can he? Not that he's always been very hush-hush to Sanji through the many weeks of being around him (Spider-Man doesn't count, okay), but still! Sloshed! And so as he walks alongside Sanji, sloshed, his arm still intertwined with Sanji's now that he's totally given up on getting rid of the barnacle...]

Because we're friends! And because I, uh... I don't knooow... [He blows out a breath.] I just... It's nice? And I like you? And you deserve to try good pizza and hang out for fun for once?

[He's struggling here.]

[... Sanji doesn't have the heart to remind Peter that he doesn't do friends, as he has no doubt mentioned time and time and time again. It's just not great for his hypothetical friend's lifespan and all.

For now, though, focusing in on that latter part with his lips quirked in amusement]

I deserve pizza and fun, huh?

[Hey Peter, Sanji's brothers would like to have a word with you.]

You're... kinda an idiot, you know that?

[He is hard wired to insult when someone says a nice thing about him; Sanji didn't make the rules. Rolling his eyes, he huffs and relaxes his arm]

Whatever, it's your money. You can spend it how you want.

[That is the closest to a "Thanks" Peter is ever getting]

[... Snerk.]

Have you ever said a nice, friendly, positive thing about someone?

I bet it makes you break into hives.

[He's grinning like a little shit, of course. You should've anticipated as much.]

'Course I have!

... You're just not one of 'em.

[NOT TO PETER'S FACE, AT LEAST.]

[He snorts, nudging at him a little.]

You can't even say one nice thing about me? Not even one?! C'moooon!

[HE'S COOL. HE'S HIP!]

[Peter you are none of those things. And, God is Sanji tempted to either be a Grade A dick about this, either by denying Peter a compliment or just offering a backhanded version instead.

It just. doesn't get the mental chuckle out of him that he was hoping, and why after a pause:]

Fine.

[Face immediately set like he doesn't care about the words about to come out of his mouth]

Probably gonna get you killed one day -- hell, I bet it causes you way more problems than you'll admit -- but... better you're a nice guy who tries to help everyone out instead of the opposite.

That shit shows. Everyone really loves you... Sure your aunt would be proud.

[There. And look at that, no hives]

-- So from now on, I don't wanna hear shit from you about how I can't say a nice thing. [HUFFING]

[His expression smooths out into something a bit more serious, a little less drunk, as he listens with rapt attention. It's not like he hasn't had compliments before, from people at FEAST or from acquaintances. He's not that wretched, that he can't catch a break like that, but it's — different when Sanji does it, because he knows it doesn't come easy and probably isn't a big thing for the Vinsmokes. Really, he'd been joking around and not expecting anything... so this is something, and it makes his stomach feel kinda fluttery.

Probably the liquor talking. Just like the liquor is probably making him tear up at the mention of Aunt May (god I miss her, I miss her so much and I feel alone now, because I'm all that's left of this family-); he's laughing wetly like he's trying to mask the swell of both warm and sad emotion that goes to war inside him—

—So from now on, I don't wanna hear shit from you about how I can't say a nice thing.

Or so Sanji would fully say, but as he goes to finish 'nice thing', Peter throws an arm over Sanji's shoulder and plants a firm kiss on the side of the man's cheek while he's busy being properly mystified and maybe mortified; he doesn't know why, he just feels that command in his jelly-like arms, the nervous system he's got leading from his full heart instead of his foggy brain working overtime.]

Everyone there loves you, too, yunno. You're pretty — pretty —

Awesome.

[Good compliment, bud, you really thought that nice comment through.]

[mm

bad

That was. a lot of bad that just happened in the span of two seconds. Sanji reacts like he always does when confronted with a positive emotion -- like a cat that's been drenched in water -- and tries to backpedal quick, except whoops, Peter's arm sure is still wrapped around his shoulder. Guess he's going nowhere and has to deal with that sappy follow-up about his existence actually having value to other people!

If there's a miracle, it's that he didn't set them both on fire to spare them the embarrassment that's gonna follow]

-- Goddamn, you're drunk.

[By which he means: bullshit. All of that is a load of bullshit brought on by alcohol. But have heart, because Sanji is going to be a Good Person for once in his shitty life and not roast someone else for their questionable life choices... even if his ears and cheeks are flaming red, and the air around them has grown a tad warmer than before.

Fuck.]

You're going straight to the shitty couch. No bathroom breaks. [Trying to wiggle awaaaay, please let him go, what the fuck, you did not just sloppy kiss him in a fit of emotion. He knew he shouldn't have brought up his aunt]

I'm not that drunk. M'just shabby at it.

[He's really not a drinker. At all. But hey, he's doing great right now! But he does let Sanji wiggle out of his grip, as he stumbles to walk in front of Sanji, backwards. Despite how absolutely terrible this idea is, he seems to be going it pretty well.]

But I mean it, man! You're a good guy! You gotta — [hiccup] — give yourself more credit.

... The couch isn't that shitty. Or is that you flavoring your sentences again?

-- Shabby at what?!

[The compliment? The liquor? The kiss? Y'know what, doesn't matter, Sanji is giving Peter a failing grade either way, and glares in disapproval when Peter starts walking backwards. Boi, he swears to God if you trip...]

And would you stop it with the shitty compliments? I told you before, I'm not here to make shitty friends with you or anyone else. This is just shitty business.

[Maybe, just maybe, if he keeps throwing words at Peter, the guy will shut up.

... He might have also added all of those "shittys" for revenge. Bc fuck you, Parker, he does what he wants with the English language.]

Drinking! What else would I be shabby at?

[He's honestly not even processing that he kissed him, because it was clearly just a totally awesome broment that is not plaguing Sanji's mind at all. He puts his hands behind his head and continues his dumb backwards walking, too easygoing in his mildly wobbly steps. Despite how absolutely likely it is he should be falling over.]

Hold on a sec — since when is going out with a buddy for pizza 'business'!?

Not everything's gotta be business.

[... Right, well. Not that Sanji expected that kiss to mean anything, but that Peter's so drunk he might have already forgotten about it thins Sanji's lips into a line.

This is exactly what he wanted and it's still fuckin annoying.]

Maybe it's not business for you, but I've got --

["obligations"

... Turning his head away as his thoughts tick on. No matter what he says, Peter is probably too inebriated to appreciating anything he says -- no, it's worse than that, isn't it? A nice guy like this couldn't understand regardless.]

Tch. Forget it. I appreciate the thought, alright? [It was kinda fun, he'll admit that much. Now please drop it.]

... Hey.

[He gives Sanji's arm a punch, sloppy but almost feather-light.]

When you're with me, nothing's gotta be business.

You got it, punk?

Do I look like someone who is all about business? [He points both index fingers at his face, to better accent his seriousness — and then bumps right into a light pole with his butt.] Oof—! Where'd that even come from? Jeez.

[Note to self, spidey sense won't save you from street lamps that aren't any danger to sober people.]

... If that were real karma, you would've fell on your ass.

[Instead Peter got a light slap on the butt from a pole. Disappointing. Reaching over, Sanji captures the guy by the scruff of his jacket and manually turns him so that he's facing the proper direction.

Does he let go after that? Of course the fuck not. Peter will just wiggle himself into a new stupid position that's gonna hold them up in the middle of the city.]

We'll be here all night if you keep walking into shit -- so march.

[it's not exactly arm-linking, but hey. Even though Sanji refuses to comment further on what Peter brought up, he sounds a little less gloomy. Certainly not business-like at all.]

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