Peter Parker | Spider-Man (PS4) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
quipsandthwips) wrote2018-10-15 12:45 pm
quipsandthwips) wrote2018-10-15 12:45 pm
Deerington Inbox
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Here? Now? Wow, you're so forward, I would have never taken you for an exhibitionist. [ But then there's a pause in his bravado... He seems to contemplate something before bringing a gloved hand up to his mouth and tugging off one of his gloves with his teeth.
And that certainly is the hand of a burn victim right there. Don't stare!!! He doesn't like when people stare!!! He shoves the glove halfway into one of his pouches and digs around in another for a small Hello Kitty measuring tape, that clearly was made with kids in mind. He holds it out to Peter to take the beginning to start it. At least he's seemed to think this through to some extent. ]
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But don't think he doesn't notice the burned-looking hand. Because he definitely noticed it. And he is very goddamn careful to mask a visible reaction to that; alright. That would explain something, potentially. Or a... lot of things. Jesus.
... He pinches the end of the tape measure between his index and thumb, and takes (1) step backward.]
You clearly have me all figured out.
Go ahead, give it a whirl.
['Stab you with a needle to stab me, I can take it, champ.']
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[ His scarred hand reaches into yet another pouch and - ] Ow! FuFred Savage! [ Returns with a sewing needle sticking out of his index finger. He looks up from it to Peter. Even behind his mask there's an expression that's hard to miss. He could just leave that in and run away before Peter gets too much of an eyeful of horrible cancer skin.
No. This is important. He tips his finger towards his palm and pulls the needle out with his thumb and middle finger. Enjoy that little ouchie. ] Are we having fun yet?
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[He winces, though, at that finger. Look, just because he has a good pain tolerance doesn't mean he wants to deal with things like paper cuts. Those are almost as bad as getting shot (no they're not).
But oh, there it goes! And Peter looks down with a frown at the blood welling up on his finger, trickling down.]
Okay, so predictably — not at arm's length.
[... This is gonna take some time, huh. Man.
He takes another step back.]
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[ Also he does what he wants ok.
Wade watches him closely before letting out a sigh. ] Wait, wait, I know it works from at least... [ He takes about three steps back from Peter. ] Here. This is about how far away those kids were when they tried to kill me. [ He takes one more step back and glances at Peter, wanting confirmation before he jabs again. ]
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Aaaalrighty.
Six feet, still bounces.
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What's this about murderous kids?
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A couple months back, I went into this corn maze thing and a bunch of anklebiters wielding sickles attacked me. Then little you found me and helped and then we both got attacked. We made it out alive though. He looked pretty scared - strong kid too. Helped me walk when my healing factor was on the fritz. I thought he was gonna pass out when I got stabbed and pulled it out though.
[ Sir, take a step back. ]
I offer free magical boo-boo kisses bee tee dubs.
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[A pause.]
But I bet he was pretty freaked out — luckily for us, we got a lot tougher going into high school. It's good that you two were around for each other; heee's gonna need all the parental eyes on him we've got, if he's anything like I was at his age...
[He takes another step back.]
Eight feet now. Give it another shot.
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[ It's Wade's turn to pause and just stare. ]
I'm not usually the type people want babysitting. Actually, I'm pretty much the complete opposite.
[ Parental. What a word. He jabs his finger again, not looking away from Peter ]
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[He winces as another blood droplet grows.
(He's suddenly concerned that this lasts ten football fields).]
... Ten feet.
And I mean — true, you're a little... unorthodox.
But you're a hero, right? And you obviously care.
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[ If he's being a little overly snarky it's because he's starting to feel bad about all those winces and ouchie faces Peter keeps pulling. Yuck, he doesn't like feeling guilt, that's an icky one, someone take it back. ]
Hey, we don't have to do this. I can definitely just figure it out some other way. [ Er... With someone else. Like Cable. Or Logan....
He's not jabbing himself again, he's looking at Peter a bit like a kid waiting to be told to go to the corner and think about what he did. ]
And about the whole... hero thing. I'm more of like. A kinda hero. Like... more hero than bad guy, definitely!
[ Ah, yes. This conversation. ]
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I told you, I'm good. Let's keep it moving — how about twelve feet?
[He steps back, not particularly offering an ounce of slack in the answer. If he said he's gonna do something, then... he's gonna do it. No if, ands, or buts. That's just how Parkers operate. But, uh. He is admittedly shifting his attention a little to the admission.]
... I mean. I didn't really coin you as one of those shiny, holier-than-thou heroes with plastic hair and magically sparkling biceps and long-winded catch-phrases. [It was a joke, but also - let's be real, there are assholes like that.] Define 'more hero than bad guy' for me.
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What, you don't think my biceps sparkle? I'll have you know my biceps are sparklier than a strip club dressing room. [ He's just trying to fill the void of that demand with words... ugh. ] Definitions are so definite... I'd be doing us both a disservice if I even tried. I'm more like a guy that you hire to deal with the worse guys. Actually, that's pretty much exactly what I am.
Do I stop bad guys from doing bad things? Yes. Do I maim and sometimes kill the very bad guys doing bad things - also yes. But only the ones that deserve it. [ His next sentence is a little rushed like he's afraid Peter will be afraid of him. ] I wouldn't hurt someone like you - I wouldn't hurt you - I'm feeling bad enough as it is about this. I mean unless you come out as like - a child abuser or something. You don't punch kittens right?
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Clearly, he should think up some decent reply to all that, right?]
... I don't punch kittens.
I'd say I'd punch an attacking mountain lion, but I might just make a run for it.
[Very good, A+ heartfelt reply. He looks down at his finger, looking... particularly thoughtful. And difficult to get a read on. Probably not helping Wade's concern over the whole revelation, but — ]
... Uuh. That didn't bounce back. The last one.
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... ]
They say you're not supposed to run from big cats. It makes them want to chase you.
[ Suddenly, Wade is moving to close the space between them. Apparently not bouncing back at 12 feet is good enough for him. He stops in front of him, head tilted to the side. When he speaks again his voice is lower, like he's attempting to placate - something he's pretty bad at, unless he's being serious. Usually he just exacerbates situations.] I mean it. [ He tosses the sewing needle over his shoulder and reaches into the pouch with the glove hanging out to retrieve a blues clues bandaid. ]
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... Look, Wade — you're a real pain in the ass sometimes, and I'm pretty sure you even do it on purpose at least 50% of the time — and I'm not exactly excited about the idea that you've got an apparent kill-ratio under your belt.
But — [He takes the band-aid from Wade, a sharp little gesture without any ill-will behind it, as he begins to peel it. He glances up from his finger, more serious.] If you're worried I'm gonna avoid you or something, don't. You're not a bad guy, I can tell. And as for being a hero, well—
[He flexes his hand, Blue's Clues trademark characters staring up at him.]
You don't have to be some perfect standard of hero... Just — try to do what's right, and protect the people around you with everything you've got, even if it hurts like hell.
Even if a hero like that screws up or fumbles the catch—
I think I can put my faith in that kind of person.
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[ look at the judgement in his e y e s ]
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And you know what dream gods do? Touch everything, especially the things with signs that say not to touch.
[ Speaking of touching. Wade's already pulling his glove back on. No need for his gross skin to be on show anymore. Sure, Peter hadn't stared or said anything but Wade's certain that's just because he's too polite. A kind gentle nerd. ]
But got it, I'll be sure to keep my eyes out for any grenades to swan dive face first onto if the situation arises.
[ Wade looks down at the bandaid for a moment. ] Blue's totally your colour bee tee dubs. [ He looks back up to Peter before waving his hands. ] Wait, wait no. I definitely think it's red. [ SUE HIM THAT HE LIKES THE COAT ON HIM. ] I'm torn.
[ Wade's also not sure he entirely believes Peter. No one would tell the killer to their face that it's a no from them on hanging out again. ]
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Because of course.
As Deadpool's mind combats his color-options for Peter B. Parker, the man turns and starts away.]
See you later, dude.
I've got a plate of hotcakes at the diner with my name on them — in American syrup.
[
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[ Don't even worry about asking what he's saying yes to. ] I would love to keep you company while you shovel overpriced hotcakes into your mouth. [ This is what happens when you feed the local Deadpool with attention. ] Even if you have terrible taste. Next you're going to say you actually like the domestic terrorism known as Kraft American Cheese.
[ #Opinions. ]
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Whoawhoawhoa, What do you have against Kraft American Cheese?
[oh dear]
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Other than the fact that it's the stuff that wasn't good enough to be cheese? Or the fact that it tastes like it's giving you stage four cancer with every bite? Or maybe the weird texture.
You know most countries don't even classify it as cheese, right? Legally it's not even classified as cheese. It's a "cheese food" or something like that. Your poor tongue. What did it do to you for you to treat it like this?
Shshsh. [ He brings a hand up to his ear as if listening. ] I can actually hear your tastebuds crying.
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If I even live long enough to worry about cancer from a childhood of Krafts.
[... Oh, right, Spider-Man is not known about in this occasion.
It's all good; he glances over.]
I live in New York City, remember? A taxi'll get me first. Or a Coney Dog with a funny aftertaste.
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Don't worry, I've been hit by like .... fifteen taxis... it only sucks if you manage to survive long enough for the face full of glass.
Sooo... What does totally adult Peter Parker get up to in his free time?
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