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[quipsandthwips]

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[quipsandthwips]

So hey about that.
Whats with the constant superhero suit?
That thing is gonna start smelling really bad if it's not already a germ hangout.

[He knows from experience, so...]

[4thwaller]

You can't just ask someone about their supersuit!!!!!!!
have some class!!!!!!
I've never been so insulted!!!!!!!!!

W O W

also I TOTALLY WASH IT
HOW DARE YOU???

[quipsandthwips]

OKAY WELL HOW WOULD I KNOW?
I'M NOT A SUPERHERO! >:(



... If it's washed once a month that's still bad btw.





Are you already there or am I gonna have to actually wait like a sad date.

[4thwaller]

YOU SURE???
BECAUSE YOU SURE LIKE TO COCKBLOCK ME AT SUPERHEROING???

IT'S NOT ONCE A MONTH
you're BAD.
why are you on my dick about this????

I'm already here.
let the court know that it was Peter that implied this was a date first
I'm the innocent one here

[quipsandthwips]

Let the court know you're the one who had to bring dicks into this conversation
but go off, I guess.

[Look he's hip! He's with the young people! He knows the internet lingo!]

also I said 'LIKE'

sim·i·le
/ˈsiməlē/
noun
plural noun: similes
a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid (e.g., as brave as a lion, crazy like a fox ).
the use of simile.

[Very hip, using dictionary definitions to object.]

so no flowers, please.

[4thwaller]

You're still talking about dicks.
so who is really the winner here???

[ IS HE.................? ]

Did you really just text me the definition of simile????
Remember that time I told you I'd never been more turned on in my life???
It's like the opposite of that right now but like x1000

[ Urgh. ]

I only do flowers on the third date.
handjobs on the first though if you ask nice enough

[ He's probably being sarcastic.............. Probably. ]

[quipsandthwips]

Oh don't worry, I'm not asking.

Got more quippy perverted one-liners to get out of your system before we do this?

[OH NO HE'S ONTO YOU]

[4thwaller]

Your loss.

They come to me naturally I can't just get them all out of my system.
that would be like demanding Beethoven play amazing music without a second's notice.

[ IS HE??? ]

I'll try to clean it up for you though, baby boy.

[quipsandthwips]

I mean I bet he could've...
I'll be there in like 2 minutes.







And it's 'Peter', or 'Parker' if you're yelling at me about deadlines or something stupid I did.

1/2

[4thwaller]

STOP POKING HOLES IN MY SIMILES
I'll be counting down.

[4thwaller]

Excuse me??????
rewind
what???

[ LET HIM MAKE SURE HE'S TEXTING THE RIGHT PETER. HIS HEART JUST DROPPED TO HIS ASS. ]

No.
Yeah.







why Parker?
that's a weird nickname

[ ................... someone help him. ]

[quipsandthwips]

Uuuuh????

Because


that's my surname?



The last name of my parents?





Passed down through the lineage?





Wade you have a last name you know how it works.

[4thwaller]

WILSON.
I have a normal last name!!!!!
not PARKER
why Parker
Peter Parker
No
I KNOW Peter Parker
he is a sweet ray of sunshine
not a sour cabbage patch you

HE'S LIKE TWELVE
YOU'RE NOT.
I WILL NOT SIT DOWN
NO THANK YOU CHRIS HANSEN
I'M LEAVING
GOODBYE

[quipsandthwips]

what are you





Oh.




Dammit, Wade, I'm not twelve I'm 23.
We're not the exact same person we're just like 80% the same.
Also Peter's at least 15

which I guess is pretty close




Maybe 70%??? 65% alike???? Okay I can't even be sure of what's the same but





We're from different universes!





wade come back don't go throwing yourself off something high

[4thwaller]

SIMILE DATE IS OFF
which was never a date or like a date or anything
Nevermind forget it


I STARED AT YOUR ASS
WE TALKED ABOUT DICKS

[ He jokingly offered Peter Parker a handjob........................... Oh god. He's gonna blow his brains out b y e. ]

[quipsandthwips]

Ok but I'm a grown man
it's not a big deal, it's just jokes with a mutual adult.



I mean okay it's probably a little freaky for you but I'm definitely not this kid, we don't even have the same face. And his eyes are brown. And we have totally different voices!




Think of it more like a kid's older (totally hip) brother or something.






Also this is probably divine intervention for wearing your pervy cap so brazenly not gonna lie.

[4thwaller]

[ He's not responding anymore. He's just going to go hide in his house. Peter putting an emphasis on how he's an ADULT is just freaking Wade out more. ]

[quipsandthwips]

Are you SERIOUS right now?
Come on dude I came all the way out here!


It's December, it's cold!






you're being totally unreasonable here







[A decent walk and some huffing later, and he's knocking at your front door.]

[4thwaller]

[ Peter's probably lucky Wade is the one to answer his front door and not Cable. He doesn't open it all the way either. Just enough to poke his head out and squint through his mask at Peter. ]

Why and how do you know where I live? And stop blowing my phone up or I'm literally going to blow it up.

[ Oh, and hey he has x6 more weapons strapped to his body than he did last time. Yes, those are swords. ]

Go away.

[quipsandthwips]

... I asked people on the street which way the red guy loudly muttering at himself and flailing his arms around went.

[He crosses his arms, squinting fearlessly.

Also jesus, are you some kind of ninja? Potentially of the weeb variety?]

You're the one who asked me to go do these trial runs.

Isn't it kind of important?

[4thwaller]

That sounds incredibly, incredibly fake.

[ Hope Peter wasn't expecting to be let in, because Wade's just standing there... squint glaring at him.

And yes. Yes he is a ninja. ]

And then I changed my mind. So why are you on my front door step. You can huff and puff all you like.

[ Yes it is important, but he's feeling sore right now. Might have something to do with the whole being a weird multiverse clone of his favourite teenager in Deerington. ]

[quipsandthwips]

Changed your—

I waited a good twenty minutes by a bunch of bald trees in the middle of winter!

[He puts his hands on his hips, and plays by Deadpool's rules.]

Why are you being such a massive ass-hat?

[4thwaller]

[ Wade's expression changes to something less hostile, almost like he's staring blankly at Peter from behind his mask. Then he turns, leaving the door open to dig in the coat closet by the door.

What he returns with is a pretty fucking ugly red flannel coat. Oh, he does have "normal" clothes. But Pete doesn't get any warning before Wade's opening the door all the way and moving into Pete's space to drape the coat over his shoulders. It's probably a size too big and smells like Weasel's bar and Wade but at least he's trying to be nice.

When he lets Peter have his personal space back it's so Wade can pull his front door closed.] I'm so proud of you. Was that your first profanity? By the end of the month you'll be saying your one and only fuck. Better save it for an important moment.

[quipsandthwips]

[He, not for the first time, is completely thrown a curveball here. Is this just what he's gonna expect from this guy every time they cross paths, accidentally or in a huff? He stares for a moment in confusion, said (ugly) flannel coat hanging off his shoulders. Like, sure, he was kinda chilly from all the stationary waiting, but.

........]

Like I said: 23-years-old.

I say a lot of bad words.

[He's also said plenty at age fifteen, but mentioning it in that way will only make him try to... chug bleach or something all over again, so he thinks better of it, even if it's a smug thought. Instead he elects for broadcasting the immediate next one:]

... What lumberjack did you murder to get this thing.

[4thwaller]

[ Ah, yes another reminder that he's an adult and a-okay to flirt with. At this point Wade's starting to wonder if Peter actually liked the flirting. ]

You just said "ass-hat" like it's a real bad word combination.

[ Once Wade's front door is shut securely, Wade lifts a hand to turn Peter around and inspire him to start walking away from the house. ] His name was Paul. You would think someone named Paul wouldn't be that terrifying, but you bring in the blue ox - Babe. I barely escaped with my life and that coat. [ Does it ever seem like Wade's just trying to amuse himself with his stupid jokes? ]

Bold judgement from the guy who was clearly rooting through Ellen Page's closet for an outfit.